IMAGINE the uproar in Penrith Town Hall if local government was to be reported with the same fun-provoking ridicule as some aspects of central government by top political commentators.

They find humour in angry, grim-faced debates, such as the turmoil in the House of Commons sparked by recent allegations of illegal donations to Labour MPs by a north-east business tycoon.

In a brilliant political sketch in The Times, Ann Treneman saw the sillier side of a fierce, no-punches-pulled debate.

“The Labour benches seemed to be populated by a battalion of squawking jack-in-the-boxes,” she wrote. “Mr. Simon, hair flailing, jumped up and down in a way that two-year-olds would admire.”

The debate must have been delirious, for Ann Treneman used up her journalistic licence by adding: “Labour MPs, although certainly not normal, do at least appear to be mostly sane, but not yesterday. Indeed, I actually saw several start to foam at the mouth. Was there a full moon?”

Have our local councillors ever foamed at the mouth?

Not quite, but there were a few opportunities for lighthearted reporting of Eden Council, long ago, such as chairman Jack Varty’s stern reproach of a Kirkby Stephen member for not wearing a necktie — and Peter Day’s eloquent defence of his tie-less comfort while attending a meeting.

The verbal “explosions” of J. J. Moffat (“Cherry Blossom”), in the era of Penrith Urban Council, were also a hoot, but he was never described as “a squawking jack-in-the-box”.

MYSTERY OF HARTSIDE

In one of the most intriguing letters to the editor of 2007, readers were asked to solve the mystery of Hartside, the mountain pass between Alston and Penrith.

Did Mrs. Jan Sawyer, of Orchard Cottage, Gamblesby, really see a man in period costume pedalling a penny-farthing cycle — or was it a mysterious apparition?

Such “sightings” are rare in the area covered by this newspaper, although a similar story used to be told by the late Charles Dixon, who had a chemist’s shop in King Street, in premises now occupied by Penrith Building Society.

Around 1930 he was returning by car from an evening function at Appleby, when, as he approached Brougham Castle, he was forced to stop suddenly by the fleeting appearance in the road ahead of a woman in medieval dress.

Could it possibly have been Lady Anne Clifford, the lady bountiful, who lived at the castle and is memorialised by a roadside pillar nearby?

Charlie Dixon’s tale of mystery appeared in many newspapers at the time and, years later, he continued to relate the story, convinced he had seen a famous apparition.

HIMALAYAN “REBEL”

Cricketer Paul Nixon is back in the sporting headlines, this time for being a “rebel” who took part in the Indian Cricket League, a Twenty/20 competition, along with several other English stars.

There is talk in the press of the “rebels” being barred from official international competitions by the England Cricket Board, but this does not seem to have deterred them from further participation in India.

“I would sign up again, 100 per cent.,” Paul Nixon told The Times.

The new captain of Leicestershire spoke enthusiastically of the Indian competition: “The way we were treated was like being on an England tour, with fitness coaches, a masseur, full security and nice hotels. They wanted to break new ground with the TV coverage, so we had heart monitors wired up to show the crowds our pulse rates through the games and cameras measuring the ground we all covered.”

As a teenage wicketkeeper with Edenhall, Paul played on beautiful grounds in the Eden Valley. As a “rebel”, he showed his skills on a purpose-built ground in the foothills of the Himalayas, watched by a worldwide TV audience!

What an incredible achievement by a lad from Langwathby and former Ullswater School pupil.

A GOOD NEIGHBOUR

Ever met a guardian angel — not the floating, transparent sort, depicted in books, but a real-life, thoughtful protector who cares for others in times of need?

This guardian angel is middle-aged, so knows all about the rigours of life and the harsh demands of advancing years and ill-health. She is a truly caring neighbour whose help is readily given and practical — a spot of shopping, perhaps, a tatie-pot and, on Christmas Day, a festive meal of turkey and pudding.

All served with a smile and assurances that it was “No trouble”.

Such kindness does not normally qualify for awards of the MBE — just sincere expressions of gratitude.