MILLIONS who never miss an episode of Coronation Street, the ITV soap opera, may have wondered about the quality of the beer they sup at the Rovers Return, the hostelry frequented by Jack Duckworth, Ken Barlow and other street characters.

They may even have fancied a generous helping of Betty’s hotpot, tasty speciality of a veteran barmaid.

Prepare to tuck in, folk, because ITV wants to set up a themed pub chain to cash in on the popularity of Coronation Street.

According to a headline in The Times, “The Rovers Return is coming to a high street near you”. The duplication of the pub in real-life form is seen by television big-wiggers as “creative and imaginative” marketing.

The much publicised plan seems doomed to failure at a time when public houses are disappearing from streets, rather than opening.

To walk about Penrith is to recall friendly hostelries where “Time” has been called with finality — the Mitre, Horse and Farrier, Old Crown, Grapes, Salutation, Railway Tavern, Brunswick Arms, Duke’s Head, Fish, Museum, Beacon, Greyhound, Coach and Horses, Two Lions, the White Horse (in Friargate).

The list of one-time Penrith pubs — though not complete — shows how drinking habits have changed over the last 50 years.

And what killed off the pub trade, the cosy friendliness of bar and snug, thudding darts and clicking dominoes?

Television, of course, and, in particular, mid-evening shows with the appeal of Coronation Street, EastEnders and all the rest.

The exit from town of the auction mart was another blow to publicans. The chances of a Rovers Return in Penrith are decidedly dubious — however yummy Betty’s hotpot.

COURTROOM CHARACTERS

Retired solicitor Brian Grainger, who died in late-February, was one of the busiest characters in local courts in the days before law and order was centralised in Penrith.

More than 40 years ago, the words “Mr. B. R. Grainger (defending)” appeared in many Herald reports of careless driving prosecutions, drunk and disorderly cases and charges of assault and affray.

Justice was more widespread in those days, with respected residents sitting as magistrates in courtrooms at Shap and Hackthorpe, Appleby and Kirkby Stephen, Alston and Keswick, as well as Penrith, and listening to addresses and pleas by local lawyers.

As a court reporter, this columnist enjoyed the performances of the “stars” — defence solicitors with the style and word-power of Lionel Lightfoot, from Carlisle, a handsome, flamboyant man who introduced his acting skills into his advocacy.

Penrith lawyer Eric Arnison is also remembered for displaying Dinky toys — small motor cars and lorries — which he used to illustrate accident scenes when defending men facing careless driving charges.

William Scorer, Geoffrey Harker, Alan Fell, Richard Shepherd, Peter Pickles and Thomas Arnison were among other solicitors for the defence when Brian Grainger entered the local legal scene.

Earnest and engaging in style, with a tinge of humour and a lingering Geordie burr, he was soon in demand in the courts.

His much publicised appearance at a special sitting of Penrith magistrates, wearing tennis shirt and shorts, raised a few eyebrows, but he had received a call to represent a defendant at short notice, just before setting off to play in a match.

Equally newsworthy was Brian Grainger’s defence of a carton of rum butter bought in a Penrith cafe. Old recipe books replaced legal tomes on the solicitors’ table, but the winning ploy was the submission of samples of the product, which magistrates tasted with obvious enjoyment. They dismissed a charge that the sweetmeat did not contain enough rum.

Local courts were rich in characters in those days, among them village bobbies, like Bill Cook at Low Hesket, Dick Little at Hackthorpe, Bob Ivison at Shap, Mike Barrand at Pooley Bridge, and many more. It was an unforgettable era.

MINSTRELS AT PLAY

The desks of old newspapermen are “glory holes”, with drawers full of old council agendas and reports, part-used notebooks and, just occasionally, a little gem of local history.

One such item, unearthed recently, recalls a Sunday in mid-August, 1964, when the Black and White Minstrels “performed” on Penrith’s Foundry field — at cricket!

Tap dancers, baritones, a tenor, a props man and other backstage workers travelled to town to do battle on the greensward with Penrith Wanderers. The match program has come to light again, and has been offered to the town museum.

Among the cricket-playing minstrels, who often appeared on TV, were the principal singer, Don Cleaver, and a leading baritone, Bob Clayton.

The Wanderers’ team included Harry Cooper, Walter Bracken, Colin Goodfellow, Dennis Charters, Hamish Roy, Ted Roberts, Gordon Wilson, Alf Luke, Ron Emmerson, Sid Borrowdale and Mike Holder.

The Rotary Club of Penrith sponsored the charity match, in aid of spastics and other good causes.

The presence of the Television Toppers added glamour to the crowd of spectators.

CAUSE FOR EVERYBODY

Through the letter-box popped an envelope inscribed with the advice: “Do not open unless you are male, female, black, white, old, young, smoker, non-smoker, straight, gay, rich, poor, blonde, brunette, short, tall, fat, thin, vegetarian, meat-eater, extrovert, introvert, lazy, energetic, right-handed, left-handed …

The envelope obviously contained a very important message — the pressing need for recipients to support Cancer Research UK to the tune of £2 or more a month!

The innovative wording on the envelope merited a swift response..